


Next Gen. Grimm Squad Twitter Roast

by adelindschade



Category: Grimm (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humor, and some crack on the side, next gen Grimm shenanigans, pure humor, straight up humor, twitter-verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:13:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 910
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23745880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adelindschade/pseuds/adelindschade
Summary: What happens when you give Kelly, Diana, and the Triplets Twitter? The young adults do what anyone else in their shoes would - public roasts. Mom and Dad feature in a few screenshots.Or - what happens when a writer is bored out of her mind and needs something to brainstorm.
Relationships: Nick Burkhardt/Adalind Schade
Comments: 5
Kudos: 55





	Next Gen. Grimm Squad Twitter Roast

WONDERPRINCESSDIANA: **First day of quarantine already sucks.** _Verified_ @KELLYWILLBMVP **Is stuck at my place. I DON’T WANT HIM.**

BIGBADFRED: @KELLYWILLBMVP **What the fuck is your username? AND HOW ARE YOU VERFIED??**

KELLYWILLBMVP: @BIGBADFRED **Kelly. Will. B. MVP. More like MLB. Amiright??**

BIGBADFRED: @KELLYWILLBMVP **You’re ridiculous. You didn’t answer my second question.**

KELLYWILLBMVP: @BIGBADFRED **Best in the Midwest** (Baseball Emoji).

CLAPYOURHAP: @BIGBADFRED @KELLYWILLBMVP **Does that mean you can stop nagging on my username?**

BIGBADFRED: @CLAPYOURHAP **NEVER!!!!** _(clap emoji) (clap emoji) (clap emoji)_

CLAPYOURHAP: @BIGBADFRED **I MADE IT IN SEVENTH GRADE! CUT ME SOME SLACK!**

KELLYWILLBEMVP: @CLAPYOUHAP **It still reminds me of a STD** _(hysterical emoji)_

CLAPYOURHAP: @KELLYWILLBMVP @BIGBADFRED **It’s supposed to be spin on “if you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands!”**

KELLYWILLBMVP: @CLAPYOURHAP **if you’re itchy and you know it, check your glands! If it hurts when you pee, and it starts smelling funny, if it itches in in your pants, it’s the clap.**

BIGBADFRED retweeted KELLYWILLBMVP.

WONDERWOMANDIANA loved KELLYWILLBEMVP’s tweet.

BIGBADFRED: @KELLYWILLBMVP @CLAPYOUHAP _(hysterical emoji) (hysterical emoji) (hysterical emoji)_

ROSECITYCURLYGIRL loved KELLYWILLBMVP’S tweet.

ROSECITYCURLYGIRL: @KELLYWILLBMVP @CLAPYOURHAP **I’M CRYING. I** _(heart emoji)_ **KELLY!!!**

KELLYWILLBMVP: @ROSECITYCURLYGIRL **LIT MAJORS UNITE!**

CLAPYOURHAP: @KELLYWILLBMVP **Screw you**

KELLYWILLBMVP: @CLAPYOUHAP **I don’t need the STD thanks**

BIGBADFRED: @CLAPYOURHAP @KELLYWILLBMVP _(hysterical emoji)_ **you’re never going to win this one big bro.**

WONDERPRINCESSDIANA: @CLAPYOURHAP @KELLYWILLBMVP **Point 1, Kelly. Point 0, Hap.**

ROSECITYCURLYGIRL: @CLAPYOURHAP **It’s the Scorpio**. @KELLYWILLBMVP

CLAPYOURHAP: @ROSECITYCURLYGIRL **not everything is about horoscopes.**

ROSECITYCURLYGIRL: @CLAPYOURHAP **says the Cancer.** (water drop emoji)

WONDERPRINCESSDIANA loved ROSECITYCURLYGIRL’s tweet.

CLAPYOURHAP: @ROSECITYCURLYGIRL **the whole ‘you got your own bday/horoscope’ is really old. Like 19 years old.**

ROSECITYCURLYGIRL: @CLAPYOURHAP **Not my fault you two were super slow. I was waiting for** @BIGBADFRED **but he was late. Blame him. If he was five minutes earlier, I wouldn’t have been born past midnight. Thanks!** _(heart emoji)_

WONDERPRINCESSDIANA: **Was this you** @CLAPYOUHAP? _(hysterical emoji)_

WONDERPRINCESSDIANA posted a photo, tagging @KELLYWILLBMVP.

Transcribed: Text exchange between Diana [Blue] and Kelly [listed as “LITTLE BRO”]

_LITTLE BRO: HE NARCED!!!_

_DIANA: (…)_

(Shared screenshot, text exchanged between Kelly [Blue] and MOM [listed as such])

**MOM:** Kelly, that was gross. Delete that tweet.

**KELLY:** What tweet?

**MOM:** I’m not your father. I’m not dumb. Delete it now. Your profile is PUBLIC.

**KELLY.** Dad’s dumb?

**MOM:** KELLY WILLIAM BURKHARDT.

**MOM:** RECRUITERS WILL SEE THAT.

**MOM:** YOU ARE 21, ALMOST 22 YEARS OLD. NOT 16 ANYMORE

**MOM:** AND EVEN IF YOU WERE 16, I EXPECT MORE MATURITY FROM YOU

**MOM:** KELLY, DO NOT LEAVE ME ON READ

KELLYWILLBMVP: @WONDERPRINCESSDIANA **I went nuclear**

KELLYWILLBMVP posted a photo.

Transcribed: Text exchange between Kelly [blue] and DAD [listed as such]

**KELLY:** Mom called you dumb

(Shared screenshot, text exchange between Kelly [Blue] and Mom [listed as such])

**DAD:** What did you tweet?

**KELLY:** Hap’s Twitter handle reminded me of a STD.

**KELLY:** CLAPYOURHAP

**KELLY:** tell me your mind didn’t go there

**DAD:** He’d be the last one to catch an STD

**KELLY:** what does that mean???

(left on read)

WONDERPRINCESSDIANA: @KELLYWILLBMVP **I NEED ANSWERS AND HE’S NOT REPLYING!!**

CLAPYOURHAP: @KELLYWILLBMVP @WONDERPRINCESSDIANA **…so do I?**

ROSECITYCURLYGIRL: **UNCLE NICK IS A SAVAGE.** @CLAPYOURHAP **forever a virgin.**

BIGBADFRED: @ROSECITYCURLYGIRL @CLAPYOURHAP **who’d be the first????**

ROSECITYCURLYGIRL: @BIGBADFRED **you**

WONDERPRINCESSDIANA: @BIGBADFRED **definitely you**

KELLYWILLBMVP: @BIGBADFRED **you WERE the first**

ROSECITYCURLYGIRL: @KELLYWILLBMVP @BIGBADFRED _(hysterical emoji)_ **I REMEMBER THAT**

BIGBADFRED: @WONDERPRINCESSDIANA @KELLYWILLBMVP @ROSECITYCURLYGIRL @CLAPYOURHAP **LIES! YOU REMEMBER NOTHING! STOP WITH THIS DEFAMATION**

KELLYWILLBMVP: @BIGBADFRED **STOP RATTING ME OUT YOU FUCKING NARCS.**

KELLYWILLBMVP posted a photo.

Transcribed: Text exchange between Kelly [blue] and MOM [listed as such]

**MOM** : TWITTER IS PUBLIC

**MOM:** PEOPLE WILL SEE THAT

**MOM:** IF YOU ARE GOING TO GO AFTER THE TRIPLETS DO IT PRIVATELY

**MOM:** I COULD CARE LESS IF YOU CALL FREDDY A OVERGROWN POMERANIAN 

**MOM:** DON’T LET ANYONE ELSE SEE IT

**MOM:** IF YOU GET YOUR SCHOLARSHIP REVOKED

**MOM:** SO HELP US BOTH

**MOM:** I BROUGHT YOU INTO THIS WORLD

**MOM:** I WILL TAKE YOU OUT

**MOM:** STOP IT

**KELLY** : chill

**MOM:** (…)

**KELLY:** I’m sorry mom

**KELLY:** I love you a lot

**KELLY** : don’t kill me.

**KELLY** : You only have one son

**MOM:** I could make another

**MOM** : Maybe the second time he’ll inherit some sense!!

WONDERPRINCESSDIANA: @KELLYWILLBMVP _(crying emoji)_ **THERE’S SO MUCH.** @BIGBADFRED **Mom called you OVERGROWN POMERANIAN** _(puppy emoji)._

BIGBADFRED: @WONDERPRINCESSDIANA @KELLYWILLBMVP **OUCH. I thought she loved me.**

ROSECITYCURLYGIRL loved KELLYWILLBMVP’s tweet.

ROSECITYCURLYGIRL: @WONDERPRINCESSDIANA **ARE WE NEGLECTING THE GEM THAT MRS. B IS RUTHLESS? “I can make another”. I’M SCREAMING. On a scale between 1 and 10, how much therapy do you** @KELLYWILLBMVP **need?**

KELLYWILLBMVP: @ROSECITYCURLYGIRL **All of it. (** _crying emoji)_ **She didn’t need to say that.**

BIGBADFRED: @KELLYWILLBMVP **not so special now, are we? I call that a dose of humility.**

KELLYWILLBMVP: @BIGBADFRED **want humility? Check your phone.**

ROSECITYCURLYGIRL: @KELLYWILLBMVP **what did you send** @BIGBADFRED?

KELLYWILLBMVP: @ROSECITYCURLYGIRL **a daily dose of humility** _(sunglasses emoji)_

CLAPYOURHAP: @BIGBADFRED **what did** @KELLYWILLBMVP **send you???**

BIGBADFRED: @KELLYWILLBMVP **YOU SAID YOU DELETED THAT**

KELLYWILLBMVP: @BIGBADFRED **Why’d you ever believe me when you gifted me with such glorious blackmail material?**

WONDERPRINCESSDIANA: @KELLYWILLBMVP **That’s how one knows they’re a Burkhardt. Never forget, never delete.**

KELLYWILLBMVP: @WONDERPRINCESSDIANA **I thought petty was more mom’s alley?**

WONDERPRINCESSDIANA: @KELLYWILLBMVP **NOPE – ALL DAD**. **Mom just pretends to be at his level. She couldn’t beat him, so she married him.**

KELLYWILLBMVP: @WONDERPRINCESSDIANA **is that the story he told you?**

WONDERPRINCESSDIANA: @KELLYWILLBMVP **what story were you told?**

KELLYWILLBMVP: @WONDERPRINCESSDIANA **next time we have a family dinner, let’s compare.**

WONDERPRINCESSDIANA: @KELLYWILLBMVP **it’ll be chaos**

KELLYWILLBMVP: @WONDERPRINCESSDIANA **EXACTLY.**


End file.
